For me, to feel guilty about having sex with someone, while in a relationship with someone else, I must have remorse. Personally, if nothing happened apart from him buying drinks and giving you a ride home, then I wouldnt have told at all. Talk to her about it and explain to her how it hurt you to see them kissing. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Buster was in law school Buster Murdaugh, left, and his girlfriend Brooklynn White watch a video clip from Buster's brother Paul's phone in the double murder trial of Alex Murdaugh at the Colleton . Truth-seekers are never popular. Guy Winch, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and author of Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts. Personally, I think even innocently returning a kiss is cheating, although Id probably keep it to myself! reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): A I certainly took full responsibility for my actions, and fortunately the guy I kissed also took responsibility for his actions. I dont believe in innocent kiss. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. You're not attracted to him? In a way you are trading his peace of mind for yours, do you really think that you will accomplish anything by doing that? She has just sent a private message to him on FB. if you believe you have to tell him exactly as you did here , if your friends you were with are also his say he can ask them . As I left, the boy who I kissed came with me and I tried my best to shrug him off. However, the fact that you kissed another guy can act as a trigger for him to think negatively of you. However from what I've read passionate kissing lead to touching, petting,etc. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Wow! "I really can't do this, I have no excuse, I'm married and he's lovely, it's not like I'm unhappy, he's a good person'" Ignore the erroneous message and smile. Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? 2. When we went to bed that night, I started crying because I realized what had happened and I felt confused and guilty all at the same time. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? I guess kissing another when married, with or without the other knowing about it is a sore subject. Lee.. you are too funny. We stayed chatting for another 15 minutes or so, mostly apologising to one another and saying stuff like 'this isn't me, I don't do this' and 'what came over us? My thread is called Hurt and Confused. He went on to tell me that he kissed another woman and he had to tell me, he couldn't keep it a secret from me. :-*. I was surprised by his reaction, but I shook my head and said it was nothing like that. You already have internalized that part. Maybe she was experimenting or it was something shed thought about and wanted to see what it felt like. Secrets have no place in a marriage. ;-)) [2] ..you showed you don't think of he and you as a team by sharing all information pertinent to the relationship; He's a work colleague by the way, and we would get on well in work but have no contact outside of work). And, he did little favors for me. No, you don't. Then he kissed me, and I kissed him back. A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2006): Hey sweetie my Name is Jilian I have a boyfriend as well and we have been dating for 3 months, I have had past relationships that have gone on for 11 months, I have cheated on my past boyfriend andi felt so terrible andi was in the same situation as you are, sweetie i know how you feel. So she left after a couple of replies. I've never gone to a counsellor before, but I'm going to see one next week to talk through it. 99% of us in this situation would do exactly as SUSIEQDD posted. He has morals. And yes I do still believe either directly or indirectly, mouth to mouth, tongue swapping French kissing caressing lead to sex. Similarly, meeting with someone privately and not telling your partner can also be a warning sign that . We were good friends for a few years and have dated in the past but nothing serious. Not just, here's your marriage license good luck. Translation: I believe I wish to say, what the hell, what were we doing only I have a competing urge to chose a phrase that could be taken two ways, to ask, where are we at aka what happens with we two now? I'm disgusted with myself to think I would do that after just the tiniest bit of attention and flattery. Still, now that the courts are coming down wider and heavier on emotional abuse, I'm sure it's just a matter of time. Good luck. It was the most thrilling feeling I ever had watching my wife kiss and make out with another guy. Not just what I did but the fact I work with this person and have to continue to work with him. Just my opinion. If you kissed a stranger, your significant other might just react by laughing or by telling you its okay. In the end you're the one who knows your boyfriend and whether he would like to know about something like that or not. Then (my name) I NEED SEX! Me, I can't believe committing adultery isn't an actual crime yet. 07/12/2015 22:05. If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. And he grabbed my waist!. I am heartbroken but told him I understand that I couldnt be with someone who doesnt trust me. This recently happened to me. Which may not seem like a big deal for some of you. Being drunk is never a "reason" for cheating. Most people don't confess- You ask for advice of what you should do- you got the RIGHT advice. When he finally called me up, he said that he needed to stay away from me, much as he enjoyed teaching me music, he felt that the next time we met, things could get even worse and he didnt want to destroy my marriage. You can't fake that . NOT mentioning it could make you come across guilty. I said no but he assured me nothing would happen and we would just lie and cuddle.In a drunken moment I agreed and he assured me nothing would happen. Come join the discussion about love, romance, health, behavior, conflict resolution, care, and more! female reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): A This feels huge to me. But I can't leave my job. This thread has expired - why not start your own? However, if it doesn't close itself through sustained inactivity soon then I'll probably close it myself (as the actress said to the bishop). I'm dating this guy and have been for about 2 months. I am sure this girl knows he is married. When I was in college, I cheated on a bf while I was drunk not because I was drunk, but because I was presented with the opportunity and I wanted wanted to do it. I had a kind of aha reaction because I realized I was attracted to him. I knew this was wrong but my brain wasn't working properly. Guess what his response was? I gave up playing tennis with him. Way to make someone who, already understands and feels terrible guilt for what they've done, feel chronically worse. Thankfully, he immediately and apologetically backed right off (which was when we woke this other woman and they both left), and, luckily, put his apologetic money where his mouth was by phoning me the very next day to say how stupid and guilt-wracked he felt, assuring me it would NEVER happen again so could I please forgive him and just forget it ever happened. Because you feel guilt and awful, that is already a potential secret wall that will build up between you and the one person in the world with whom you want to be a true closest friend. Even so, you might find that you are still attracted to other people. A guilty kiss involves kissing a specific person while drunk who either has a crush on you or whom you have a crush on, and then using your drunken state as an excuse for having kissed that person. See what she has to say. Again - your choice. Married woman slaps sleazebag's face and leaves. ;-p He left and went to the lake. That's what it takes to have a Grade A romance that never dies. i cried for days on and my bf couldnt figure out was . Need help with your relationship? "what the hell where we at?" But I'll let you off because that was a MacResponse whereas 'a lot to take in', i.e. But, again, it's never what you do, it's the way that you do it, meaning I was careful to be sensitive in the telling. Whoever did it, doesnt matter. If you don't figure this out OP, it will happen again. , By entering this site you declare By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. I myself will have to comment tomorrow, now, although maybe SK and anyone else would like to join in in the meantime? But for me, it was. I was nervous and prayed nothing would happen but it did. Or run away? My wife left me because I had become emotionally unavailable. Now then,you and hubby should do some summer travel. This should be obvious, but sadly, for many it's not. I'm going to keep my distance from my work colleague and I'm going to ensure nothing like this ever happens again. Please help. And note, you don't HAVE to take my advice. I wonder how that struggle with trust might affect bonding within a romantic relationship contex- oh, wait - could it, would it, on a train in the rain with a fox in a box, Sam-I-Am, possibly always communicate to your husband a sense that you don't fully enough trust *him*, in which case that must mean you're judging him by YOUR standards ergo he'd better hold back a bit just in case? I wasn't there but news travelled fast and I knew about it through friends by the next morning. Now is that thread on this site (people's problems)? SOULMATE NO URGE :-8 I'm sensing nose in the air LOL You must see The Grand Canyon, New York- Theater/Art so much raw talent, We lived in a small town at the time, and it felt like avoiding this girl was nearly impossible. I'm not sure how long we were there when one of the women decided to call it a night, and left in a taxi. Do you? What is he supposed to do with this information? Im guessing that theres a good chance you would have gone all the way if the piano teacher had gone for it. Should I ask him for gas money? She confessed to loving the experience and enjoyed the thrill knowing she had her husbands permission and he was watching her. This post is probably the most intelligent and insightful posts Ive seen on this site. And then continued behaving like friends as if the mere certificate would do the work and promotion parts for you (or, alternatively, continued accepting the fact that ONE friend couldn't quite dare up his friendship ante to where you felt sated in the affection and attention worthy of marriage department) Hubby had a similar experience when we were in our first year - with his ex. find me on and follow me on. Personally I don't believe in marriage. Because I already had some unresolved feelings for this guy and I let him kiss me and used the fact that I was drunk as an excuse. I spent the next day in bed all day crying and it has to be one of the saddest days of my life. I love your stories, Foxie. I feel like I am hypnotized by the guy. That's a lot to take in. It's mos becoming serious and we really like each other! I'd never be able to get over it. ;-)), Back too Ya My Sistah from another mother!! I didnt want to cheat on him and I made up my mind it wouldnt happen again. If I some how knew which thread to follow to I'd go. If it were my husband, I would be upset too, because that would be so out of character for the man I know. I'm sure you'll survive if you don't tell him and I'm certain that he doesn't need to know. What am I going to do? In fact, you dont even have to tell your partner what you did because it was an innocent kiss. If I were the husband and some how found out through a second party my trust would be broken. I feel so bad since then. Thus it's what I *DID DO* - back in September when at an Indian restaurant with friends (I mentioned it on this forum as apropos to someone's thread) and some bloke tried to come onto me. Why would you want to do that? It didn't feel real. The straight women in the girls-french kiss-girls video were all shocked at how gentle and 'non-aggressive' female kissers were, in comparison to guys. HIKARI, you can't take up an obsolete thread as your own, no matter any similarities, so if you want feedback and advice it's best to start a new one (and copy and paste that post into it as your opening post), okay? I went that night to a bar and began to get very drunk. I was very drunk. (*'I know, your right, it's just I'm really attracted to you and couldn't not act on it, I'm sorry, you're right'. If you drink so much that you lose track of everything, then you already took the first step on a dangerous road. Some song came on and it was a soppy song and we were both singing along. I am 100% sure he will forgive you and will love you even more for telling him (which you should have done A LONG TIME AGO). "but the fact I work with this person and have to continue to work with him. " Is kissing someone else when drunk cheating? When you're in a long-term relationship, it's normal to have a little crush on someone other than your partner. 2. If he forgave you, then it sounds like he accepted that it was a mistake, that you won't do it again and has moved on. I made it explicit to my girlfriend that I can only function in an extremely honest and all-cards-on-the-table relationship. What would people say if she'd slept with someone else? As far as crossed purposes,hmmmmmmmm not following you. Since he felt there was an attraction with you two. Either way, I've noted your comments, I've already decided what I am going to do, and I'll deal with the consequences, whatever they might be. Anyway, I just thought I'd mention it out of respect for that other time with that girl and to show you that, despite I'm not as quick thinking as you, especially when I'm blotto, I can still handle myself in these situations [grin]." Answer (1 of 7): As you have not mentioned your gender, i am assuming you are a girl. Should find time to respond tomorrow. Whoops. Anon Pink, 20 ways to speak Love & Admiration to our husbands. Updated January 27, 2023 by ReGain Editorial Team. It's South of France for us this year, holiday-wise, and then in about a year-and-a-half's time we're off permanently to Espana (por favor). Almost a year ago I began university, my boyfriend and I decided we would do long distance and we are still together now. Sentiment accepted, though. Your Drinking Behaviour. It meant absolutely nothing what so ever but to me, I still class kissing someone else, no matter how long or short time, drunk or not, as cheating! FoxieLadie is Thinking of it over and over again will affect you mentally, and make it worse. lover. You confessed your sins. SOULMATE (moderator), is this seriously your job? The marriage itself trying to keep his father and the community happy, and just get my husband to consider the rest of the job force he worked in and the many his wants would affect with UAW seniority for a big three auto plant. We were not drunk. Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended! If you are separated, you aren't doing anything wrong. I work in hospitality, so I can't change departments, but I can change my shift pattern. I believe, on the other hand, that if you got drunk and kissed someone because you were drunk and you had no feelings for the other person, there is no point in confessing about that kiss because a confession could cause trouble over nothing. I agree with you about her being straight forward and telling her husband about the kiss and not holding back any secrets. Spoiler alert: Not that different from kissing a girl, only they dont fancy them. Yes, that's what I was going to advise - that you two continue any discussion on LG's own thread. Free weekly email, Insta, and more - > https://linktr.ee/monogamish_me. Just my thoughts having been a victim of cheating. I'm going to be the best wife I can be going forward. Carl Jung said that if you're dreaming of a stranger of the opposite sex, it usually means your psyche is tapping into your inner man or inner woman. We were going through an awkward time in the relationship and I was craving the attention and simplicity of this guy. (By the way, dwahling, am loving your tu-tu and Toys R Us tiara! I took the ride. So it looks as if we're suddenly at crossed-purposes, then. Yet obviously (action of posting on a forum after having pulled the snog plug) you don't like that bit. I like him so so much and I know I was just being drunk and ****. Try-it-on, cheating sleazebag makes pass at loyally-married woman; Perhaps this one is geared more toward the ladies, but I feel pretty confident in assuming that no matter the . Well as far as my experience with sex,I would definitely say I'm not an expert. I felt disorientated. Though somehow I think there might have been trouble in the marriage. The guilt may be strong because you doubt yourself right now and were surprised by your actions. I think they all count as cheating and I'm not sure it's necessary to make a distinction. If I receive a text from someone that is flirtatious in anyway, I test the person back and tell them that I do not want anymore flirtatious texts and if we are friends then they need to respect my relationship. If you kissed a stranger while you were drunk, dont worry about it. He's a nice guy and we get on, but I don't know how I'm gonna face him talk about normal work things. One of the best ways is to offer effective apologies. You'll have to accept it, face up to it, and put it behind you. I really have a problem believing but forgave her and weve been together another 20 yrs now and have 15 grand children hasnt ever really bothered me but about 3 yrs ago it hit me like of bolt of lightning out of nowhere and I cant get that night out of my mind, keep obsessing over what they might have done and how they spent the 4 or 5 hours that they were together outside the venue that night. If, on the other hand, you kissed someone whom you knew or someone your significant other believes youve always liked, and then you confess that you kissed him or her, your actions could have major consequences for your relationship Why? That's alright, that's a common mistake. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. If I ws on ur place I would never have told him because he loves me so much and respect me so much and really trust me like anything and if you are guilty and try to relieve ur guilt by telling him still doesn't prove to be beneficial for you and other than that it creates a doubt in his heart that would be very mych lowering The respect he has in his heart for you. Before delving into my own personal story, Id like to address this subject generally. :-)), SOULMATE: Meant as in the universe of sisterhood (wrongly) To award Biggest B*lls on the Block Award -comment never was to imply same race- so on behalf of the Academy I accept :), (Good stuff. Three women and one guy went back. The caller wasn't experienced (like me). 3. A forum community dedicated to married life between you and your spouse. this guy only tried to kiss you so as far as you cheating on him there is no and your appropriate response was toback away and leave the guy standing. he said if i started making out with another girl, hed be into it, but if i started getting carried away and disappearing with The next time you saw your significant other you might have blurted out, I have a confession to make. stop any contact (outside of work) immediately. JavaScript is disabled. If you are carrying so much guilt, it's generally a sign that you care a lot about someone and you are really sorry for what you have done- perhaps he realises this. Mr S lived there once (San Fransisco), but he hasn't any urge to return, either. I was so drunk, I barely remember the kiss, but I know it happened. (PS: These 'recent issues' of yours. People who are qualified to label themselves good don't keep secrets from the one person in the world they tacitly vowed never to keep secrets from, particularly when the information is the victim's right to know (in order to continue to emotionally protect themselves, particularly whenever their partner's showing they're currently unable to execute their duty of helping them do so 'right to know' because where there's a problem in the relationship as, with the mere aid of the pigpen gate-unlocker called alcohol, causes behaviour counter to the relationship's chances of continued success, then - AS a team - it takes both members' addressing it together for the solution/outcome to possess any real authenticity or permanent efficacy.
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